April Fools Day

Just after midnight I realized what the date was: April 1st, 2011. The dawning realization that it was April Fools Day suddenly made my night that much more interesting!

Oh, my job is plenty interesting, what with running the mountains in snow storms and having to deal with all of the associated problems. Or driving around Metro Denver just after the bars close. At least at 2:00 in the morning when you see somebody driving stupid, you KNOW why they're driving stupid. At 9:00 on a weekday morning when they're driving stupid, it's scary.

Anyway, I got my mind to quit wandering, sit down, shut up, and hang on, and figure out what I could do to get the maximum amount of mileage from an April Fools stunt. Then it hit me! I was laughing too hard to hit it back, so I ran with it. My divorce took more than a year to resolve, and many people have asked me if I would marry again. That was the stunt.

I text ten people, including my kids, and told them: "I'm getting married."

My Sister responded with: "I'm getting sick..."
Bob responded with: "WTF?"
Michael and Krystal thought I'd gone over the deep end.
Bill was confused.
Then they all were mad at me when I text them back: "Happy April first".

Not surprisingly, and kudos to them, Tanya and Terence knew it was a prank and that I'm full of $hit! My kids, what do you expect?!?!?! They're used to Dear Olde Dad doing something like that to them.

All told, I got a good 24+ hours of humor out of this!

I have 365 days to get ready for next year and to top this year. Wish me luck! It's going to be tough.

Red Skelton's recipe for a Perfect Marriage

I truly do miss his humor

PRICELESS

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough, you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liners from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

*1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

*2. We also sleep in separate beds.Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .

*3. I take my wife everywhere....but she keeps finding her way back.

*4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.So I suggested the kitchen.

*5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

*6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

*7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

*8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.Then the mud fell off.

*9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

*10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

*11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was “Always”.

*12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months; I don't like to interrupt her.

*13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these?I love it........these were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.'

"FOR EVERY MINUTE YOU ARE ANGRY, YOU LOSE SIXTY SECONDS OF HAPPINESS"